Recently a friend was trying to figure out how to call in sick for work- a job she's thinking of quitting anyway. As a joke we googled it and thus I discovered "wikihow".

I've been an ehow user, but I'm a big fan of the collaborative efforts of wiki, so I browsed the site a bit and found something I found completely relevant to this collective of parental overachievers:
How To Do Nothing

This isn't just relaxing- this is seriously figuring out how to reclaim the ability to just be... and accomplish nothing at all.

For those of us who are non-stop workaholics, doing nothing can actually be pretty difficult! If you're like the Energizer bunny in that you keep going, and going, and going, here's how to stop once in a while, think pleasant thoughts, visit the beach, stare at the water, and just do nothing.

A friend and I were kvetching yesterday about our parents and their "favoring" of our younger siblings... in my case, my 28 year old live-at-home brother was just gifted with a hand-me-down 2005 car without second thought, and in hers, well, her sister played the same sport she played in high school and wound up being wildly successful, having received parent-funded private lessons, league play and other aids they couldn't afford when she was a teenager ten years ago. We vacillated between feeling like whiny 15 year olds and rationalizing our frustrations.

In the end, we both agreed on a rather common mantra of young parents- we will strive Not To Be Like The Parents in this area, strive to be "fair and equitable." I realize this is probably a losing battle, or so subjective as to be impossible to gauge.

After the conversation, DH and I discussed what, if anything, we could achieve as parents to feel "successful." We came up with this:

We will consider ourselves successful parents if our children have a healthy self esteem.

Doctor? Factory worker? SAHM? Corporate CEO? We couldn't care less. Gay, Straight? No never mind. As long as our children know they are loved, they are worthy of dignity and respect, and they have a sense of self worth, we will consider ourselves successful. Everything else is gravy.

What is your definition of "successful parenting"? Is the concept even achievable?

My "porn star name" is Sascha Dalphon, which I have always thought is pretty apropos, should my life take a strange turn in that direction via amnesia of some kind and a complete personality reversal, I think it'd be a fine "porn star name".

With the real name "Melissa" I was known as Missy for about 90% of my life, only recently having adopted Melissa full-time at work. The intern overheard DH call me Missy and thinks it's funny to trick me into responding to "Missy". She's lucky I like her.

DH dictated that while he is flexible on children names (and he is, very much so), his requirement was that there had to be a viable nickname for whichever we chose. As his name is Todd, he is fond of complaining- "Well, II can be Tod with one d, I suppose." He is most often called "Toad" by nick-naming friends. I think it's funny, then, that he most often calls Lily "Goofamachunk" as a pet name.

SO anyway, onto the diversion:

1. What was your nickname growing up? It could be a version of your real name or just something your dad called you way back when that stuck? Did you love it or loathe it?

2. What's your porn star name? Don't know how to generate it? Think, first pet + street you grew up on. If you have another variation, let us know.

3. What kinds of nicknames to you call your children?

If you feel like discovering your Redneck, Mobster or other "nickname", this place is pretty cute.

Last Wednesday was the Top Chef Reunion show, which I obsessively tuned into despite my loathing of the host of these particular reunions. It was rather uneventful (aside from Zoi and Jenn's palatable discomfort).

This season, the average age of the Cheftestants for this round came in at 31- the eldest being 38, youngest 26. I bring it up because I think it had something to do with my enjoyment this season- I believe to be the best yet. The chefs we all around my age- they were not only on my stomping grounds, they looked, spoke and acted like my friends and me.

So I took it a bit personally when, in the reunion show, The judges suddenly began sternly lecturing the chefs over their language. A collection of well-bleeped clips followed, and gathered together in that way it may have seemed excessive. Chef Tom Colicchio, in particular, lectured the chefs about their behavior on the "interviews" (I have always thought of them more as confessionals). He expressed his surprise that in at Judge's Table, he had no indication of the language "problem" and thought it was unprofessional that the language in the more private settings and in the interviews was "foul".

I will avoid taking on the hypocrisy of a show whose first printed shirt theme was "I'm not your bitch, bitch" taking on the cussing of its cheftestants. What I found particularly interesting was DH and my reactions to the lecture. I was instantly irritated. Why does it matter what they say? Why are cuss words such a big f-ing deal? What is our obsession with a "professional" exterior at all times? And who was this older guy to criticize the language habits of my generation? Because as I thought about it, the swearing on the show never seemed off to me, never seemed excessive, never seemed anything other than natural and organic. It's the way my friends talk, it is the way I talk.

WASHINGTON - Tim Russert, NBC News’ Washington bureau chief and the moderator of “Meet the Press,” died Friday after a sudden heart attack at the bureau, NBC News said Friday. He was 58.

Meet the Press has been a TiVo staple for the past 4 years. This seems very shocking to me, I couldn't believe it when I heard it. Rest in peace, Mr. Russert. You left us too soon.  

This link to candyboots.com (which I found at pajiba.com) had me laughing so hard I cried. Weight Watchers, it seems, had a pretty inventive weight-loss plan back in the 70s- make food so incomprehensibly odd, stage it with the scariest propsyou can find and you'll lose your appetite (you must click on the imbedded link on that one!)

On to the candyboots-inspired diversion:

1. What is the worst dish you were ever served? Did you eat it?

2. What is the strangest dish you can't help but love? Do you inflict it on your family?

We all have them in our lives- those offensive forward senders that can't help but gleefully send off a nasty-gram to us poor progressives.

Offender #1:My Brother-In-Law.  One of those lower-income Republicans; he baffles me with his 5-person family, less than $35K income (with debt more than a year's salary)Bush supporting craziness (seriously, he is a member of that 27%). It's incomprehensible.

Offender #2: My gun-toting Republican friend who, as far as I can tell, only is Republican because she thinks I wanna take her gun away (I don't). Believes Obama is a secret Muslim, yet also thinks his church sucks. Puzzling, she IS a smart gal...

Between these two, I get some truly hilarious and offensive e-mail forwards. I KNOW they think it's funny to get my head to explode with these viral nuggets of xenophobia and factually-incorrect Muslim-pointing.

Since we were sharing bumper stickers earlier, I thought it'd be fun to share some of the more incomprehensible forwards. If you'd rather not post a whole crazy e-mail (or deleted it long ago but remember the general subject content), you can usually find the best ones over at snopes. But please, share some of these so we can laugh, scream and beat our heads against the wall together! It's fun (well, kind of in a sad, depressing way), and a nice way to collect our thoughts so we send some nice quips back to the offenders.

I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now its time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Writing this now, I have 8 minutes left as a twenty-something. By the time it's posted I'll be into my Next Thirty Years.

I'm excited, and a little nervous about this particular birthday. Thirty. 3-0. It sounds so adult. The kids on the tee-vee? They keep getting younger and I keep getting older. Funny how that works out, no?

I had the best decade of my life as a 20-something. I went to college and got my tattoos and figured out that I actually really like Me. I met my best friends, my husband, got married, bought a house (and then another), landed five jobs (lost two) and had my first baby. I started my 20s ridiculously excited to find out what I'd accomplish, and I leave them the same way- anxiously hoping that I keep moving forward, keep finding new things about myself and my family and our place in the world.

So. Onto the diversion. Today's is a four-part Q and A:

1.What has been your favorite birthday thus far?
2.What age are you looking forward to being next?
3.What age are you dreading? Why? If you've already hit the age you were dreading, was it as bad as you thought it would be?
4.How old were you when you started feeling like an adult?

Also a coolio part of my twenties- I found this place. Lovin' every minute of it! Oh, hello clock. Wow. I just turned thirty.

Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears
And I'll do it better in my next thirty years

I have been slowly and surely, for the past 8 years or so, replacing all of my beloved VHS movies with DVDs, something that can be quite costly, thanks to inflated old-movie prices. The practice does have a big benefit- reintroducing old movies I may have forgotten I loved. I squeaked heartily with joy when Amazon lowered it's price on The Last Supper. This movie... gah, I couldn't love it more. "Vintage" Diaz (from back when I thought she was a groovy chick), Jonathan from recent Survivor fame, Bill Paxton as a crazy Red Neck, Courtney B. Vance, Ron Perlman! So many fun actors getting together for in a crazy plot. In a nutshell: it's 1995 and a group of liberal grad students decide to play judge, jury, and ultimately, executioners! to their ultra-conservative dinner guests. Their tomato garden flourishes after every dinner.

It's definitely worth a spot on the netflix que if you're into dark comedies. So, without further ado, the diversion:

What's your favorite forgotten movie?
A few caveats:
Nothing made after the year 2000.
Nothing that won any awards.
No contemporary "classics" (though self-proclaimed classics that never took off are not only OK, they are preferred!)

Can I let you in on a secret? I am SO EXCITED that stretch pants are back in (if not in fashion, at least in stores). Sure, they're kept under dresses now instead of just with shirts, and I am by no means of the appropriate size to wear them as anything except tights-replacements but lordy do I love them. I loved the in the 80s, early 90s and let me tell you, if I lost enough weight I would be back in those suckers full-time so fast. Yeah. I loved too wearing em with a super long men's button downs shirt with a vest over it! I had so many vests! Sigh.

Which leads me to the diversion:

Whether they're in the back of your closet or you've managed to allow yourself to be shamed into giving them up, everybody had clothes they adored despite their fashion shelf-life (or no life). So fess up- what is your favorite fashion "don't"? Did you get rid of the clothes? Do they hang at the back of the closet just waiting? Do you still wear them proudly anywhere you please? Share your secrets! Pictures speak volumes too, friends.

Celebrity parents aren't having a good week. Miley Cyrus got the Leibovitz treatment in Vanity Fair. The photos were more adult than not, and the parental pearl-clutching screeching predictably followed.

The sad thing? She and her parents have decided to take the "OMG! I had no IDEA it would be like this!" route, with Disney signing back-up:

In its own statement about the Vanity Fair story, the Disney Channel, which broadcasts Cyrus's series Hannah Montana, said: "Unfortunately, as the article suggests, a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines."

Also in the gossip news, Leah Remini (King of Queens) appeared on the Rachel Ray Show last Thursday to talk about issues she's been having with her 4-year old daughter Sofia.

"I'm very consistent; I give in," says Leah. "My daughter runs the house." Although Leah is conflicted about taking a stance that leaves her daughter in hysterics, she'd like to try getting Sofia off the bottle. "The problem I'm having with bottle-feeding is basically that Sofia drinks six or more bottles a night," she explains, a situation that leaves her and her husband Angelo exhausted from handing over new bottles and changing diapers at all hours.

Yowza. If anything, it's a reminder that being famous doesn't equate being a model mom (or even a good one re: Britney).

Also in the news

If I was gonna pick one of these stories to get up in arms about, it'd be the four year old on a bottle, but that's just me. Every time I see a picture of Suri Cruise with that bottle in her hands my eye twitches. Then again, talk to me after this summer if the bink-weaning works out. Any other good gossip you've heard about?

Going through the posts over at feministing.com I was  surprised to read about some seriously ill advised, flat out racist opinions pieces in college campuses. This one in particular, about "Asians" was shocking in its vitriol.

Students have claimed this to be "satire." At the very least, they should retroactively fail whatever literary classes they've taken for their abuse of the word, and sit with Alanis Morissette in a class on "proper use of literary terms, satire, irony, etc."

There are many things college is supposed to be- a place to learn academics, yes, but it's also a safe place to test limits, to protest, to drink too much, to make mistakes. But how far should students test those limits? Often we look to colleges to create the most passionate, activist types around us, and I think it's shocking when something like this- which, let's be frank, is average in its offensiveness when you compare it to the general populous- comes out of a college. We expect better. And yet you will not find me on the side of colleges acting in loco parentis. I wonder what the consequences for something like this should be? In "real life" you'd get fired... or maybe sued by China. I have a story after the jump about my own experience with  campus media. It's isn't entirely pertinent to post, but the link opened old wounds and I felt the urge to purge.